Time

Today I have been doing a fair amount of reflecting... asking myself some questions, having feelings of accomplishment and feelings of doubt and failure. Do I really like reading because it is a worthwhile hobby or am I hiding from something by immersing myself in fantasy? Has my life been worthwhile or will I end up as a footnote in other people's stories? Am I feeling more introverted because I understand myself better or is this just an excuse for me to withdraw from others? Am I really doing what I like or am I just comfortable and don't want to rock the boat?

Time is fleeting. Here it is 2014. In fact, July 2014. It was just March. It was just 2009. What happened? Time goes by so fast and it keeps getting faster. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed this year. I have done a lot of traveling, taken quite a bit of time off from work, spent time with family and friends. But at the same time, how much of this year have I spent on inconsequential minutia? How much time was wasted on Candy Crush and Netflix instead of making plans with family and friends? When I look back on this time, what will I be most proud of?

Perhaps the feeling of mortality is coming from the realization that my relatives are getting so much older. My parents are in their mid to late 60s. One of my second cousins just became a great grandmother. We spend more time talking about health than most other topics. Weren't they just in their 50s?

One thing for sure is that I have some decisions to make about what is important to me and what direction I want to go. I should not be satisfied with walking through weeks of my life as if I were a zombie. I should be more intentional in my actions. No one can do it for me.